Recently

A little bit of culture and a whole lot of anxiety...

These past few weeks I’ve had a tight knot in my chest that I’ve not been able to shake, loosen, or untie. I get this feeling every couple of months when I haven’t been sleeping well, been a bit too social for the introvert that I am, overthink upcoming projects and then the usual things like money, health, future, blah come out to haunt me. So much so that I’ve been teetering on the edge of tears/self-combustion for a while and it got a little too much last week. Thankfully I’m extremely lucky (and grateful) to be able to pop back home to the Oxfordshire countryside at the weekend to stay with my parents. This tends to sort me out. A few days of breathing in lungfuls of fresh air, stomps across fields, no social media, phones or emails. Bliss.

I’m constantly in a state of limbo as to whether the city or the countryside is the right place for me - too long in London and I start to feel claustrophobic, anxious and overwhelmed but too long in the countryside and I’m bouncing off walls, craving stimulation and culture. I feel like I need to be in the city to make the most of career opportunities but sometimes all I want is a good nights sleep, to wake up to birdsong not sirens. As I near the end of my twenties (gulp) I have been thinking more than ever if there’s a place that is the best of both worlds. And, if so, where is this haven? I know that London is not longterm for me, I crave nature, the horizon, seeing the stars at night too much to settle there permanently. My London chapter is slowly drawing to a close but I don’t know the location for the next chapter of my life. I suppose this is the crux of my recent unease and one that many people go through. So for anyone struggling with anxiety, finding it hard to balance keeping their mental health in check and climbing the career ladder, I feel you and we will get there.

On the topic of city overstimulation here are a few things floating my boat recently…

SEE

Through the Grid by Lucienne O’Mara at Gillian Jason Gallery. Until 20th April

The Ballad of my Lover’s Boat by Gommaar Gilliams at Arusha Gallery. Until 30th March

READ

Instructions On Not Giving Up

More than the fuchsia funnels breaking out
of the crabapple tree, more than the neighbor's
almost obscene display of cherry limbs shoving
their cotton candy-colored blossoms to the slate
sky of spring rains, it's the greening of the trees
that really gets to me. When all the shock of white
and taffy, the world's baubles and trinkets, leave the pavement strewn with the confetti of aftermath,
the leaves come. Patient, plodding, a green skin
growing over whatever winter did to us, a return
to the strange idea of continuous living despite
the mess of us, the hurt, the empty. Fine then,
I'll take it, the tree seems to say, a new slick leaf
unfurling like a fist, I'll take it all.

- Ada Limón

From one of my favourite instagram accounts Poetry is not a luxury

Also this article from The New Yorker. A review of Gustav Klimt’s work at the Neue Galleria by Jackson Arn. I’m a huge fan of Klimt so it was interesting to read Arn’s view. Loved the opening paragraph…

‘The art of Gustav Klimt makes me feel as though I am face to face with God, if God is a charming, faintly trashy type who leers more than he enlightens and seems oddly desperate for my approval. Klimt’s mysticism is a kind of busy stagecraft, all confetti cannons and angels dangling from ropes.’

LISTEN

Extraordinary Creatives podcast by Ceri Hand, particularly this 25 min episode!

COOK

I’ve been making huge batches of granola every Sunday (yes I’m a 70 year old in a 29 year old body) for breakfast during the week. Here’s my go-to recipe…

Mix 250g whole Scottish oats with 4 tablespoons olive oil, add in 75g of chopped mixed nuts, I use almonds and walnuts, next add a sprinkling of pumpkin and sunflower seeds, mix well. Spread out evenly on two flat trays and bake in the oven at 200C for 10 mins or until starting to colour. Leave to cool, then transfer to an airtight container and mix in dried cranberries, or any dried fruit - apricots are also delicious.

Thank you for reading and for enduring my anxiety talk, sometimes it’s nice to know you’re not alone in feeling a little overwhelmed by life, and that it’s normal and ok to have those feelings.