3 thoughts at 31

Reflections on resilience

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I turn 31 tomorrow. As usual I’ve been in a reflective mood. My 30th year was a rollercoaster ride to say the least. Although there were moments of frustration, anxiety and exhaustion these were punctuated with snippets of joy which I’m very grateful for. I guess that’s what life is; a constantly fluctuating graph of peaks and troughs, eventually we learn how to balance on life’s wobbly seesaw and your resilience muscle grows stronger.

Now this is not a preachy ‘31 lessons learnt at 31’ type of post, although I do love reading these as they often contain little nuggets of gold. However today I have 3 simple (and probably quite obvious) thoughts that have been at the forefront of my mind this past year.

1. If you have a fairly healthy body that is predominantly pain-free never take it for granted.

2. If you have a fairly healthy body that is predominantly pain-free do the following and never stop; run, jump, skip, dance, touch your toes, reach for the sky, wiggle your hips, run for the bus, walk up a hill, somersault on the lawn, swim in a body of water, sunbathe naked on the rocks, lift some weights, surf a wave, dip your toes in a lake, jump in a puddle, do a yoga pose, stretch your muscles, kick a ball and all the while please notice the wonders of your strong and able body.

3. If you have a fairly healthy body that is predominantly pain-free enjoy that body; love it, take care of it. It’s precious and the only one you’re getting. Also eat the dessert, wear the bikini, jump in the sea. Live in that body.

There are many things society tells us we should want, many of them frivolous; from the latest designer handbag, to owning a bigger house, having a smaller nose/bum/thighs, going on regular holidays etc. I’m only human so yes there are things I crave (starting with a sun drenched holiday). Whenever I get drawn into a particularly bad cycle of yearning I remember this excerpt from Why We Make Things and Why It Matters by Peter Korn. I read this 10 years ago for university but often come back to this particular passage. It reminds me how we all get sucked into wanting more, we’re always reaching for the next thing to want, collecting them and ticking them off. However, when you or others close to you experience trauma, pain or discomfort, it makes you completely reassess your wants in life, giving you perspective. Like Peter Korn says below, the frivolous wants cease and the one simple yet essential desire becomes paramount; to be without pain or discomfort, for both yourself and those you love dearly.

‘All my life desires had been pared down to one, which was to be without pain or discomfort, and there on the beach my wish was fulfilled. I wanted for nothing.

What unleashed bliss was the absolute cessation of wanting, which had been so ubiquitous that it had to disappear entirely before I could see it. Prior to cancer, my existence had been scored to a steady bass line of long-term desires and a staccato beat of immediate ones – desires as transient as winning a game of chess, as practical as meeting a deadline in the workshop, as compelling as finding love, as materialistic as wanting a new car, as pedestrian as looking for comfortable shoes. I wanted respect, I wanted to be attractive, I wanted people to like me. I had been a want-generating machine. Without the distraction of wanting, I became alive to the moment, and the moment was incomparable.’

This is a reminder not to take your body or health for granted. And to those who are currently struggling through something; you will get there, your body is amazing, you’re not weaker or lesser than anyone else. You’re stronger than the lot of us. Remember your resilience.